Don’t let the length of this email stop you from reading the entire thing. It’s hilarious and one of my favorites! Please share your favorite part(s) of the story in the comments section.
from: Rosalind Cooley
sent: Wednesday, September 20, 2006 1:49 PM
to: spamcarnival
subject: crookedHurds dinner was given in a private room at the DindonneauRestaurant in Soho. And a Scotsman knows what hedoesnt want to buy! And with Lockert away, their invitations were few. It was true, the thing he had been trying to ignore. There was a horseshoe table with seats forthirty.
Lockert had gone off to the Riviera, a weekafter the Ouston dinner.
It had become a disease with bothnations, he reflected, this discussion of Britain vs.
I can tell that youve been seeing one of your jocund Americanfriends again, said Lockert. I think I ought to do it; hes tried so hard to be nice.
I admire the English, but theymake me feel kind of roughneck.
Maybe he gets some fun out of it, but he suredoesnt look like it. You and I are the model monogamistsfrom now on, dyou understand? Try to make me seem as contemptible a little village greenhorn asyou can! Mighty great pleasure to meet her, afterweve known her husband so long. Lockert had gone off to the Riviera, a weekafter the Ouston dinner.
And, thank God, theres enough Americanshere so I can see a lot of em.
And they didnt seem to care so verymuch about either.
She was standing, a little rigid, in her low-necked, lace-trimmed,yellow pajamas.
And of course I made noises like a purr-pussy!
Oh, I AM being frank, probablydisastrously frank! Ifyou ever are so beastly as to go and use this against me later,Ill KILL you, I swear I will!
You and I are the model monogamistsfrom now on, dyou understand?
Whats the idea of coming to a famouscity and then not seeing the places that made it famous? I can see that the Oustonsand us are going to be buddies!
Iwent home, and I intended to stay there. Half our efficiency is just running aroundand making a lot of show and wasting time. At least, theres one American that I esteem highly! And of course I made noises like a purr-pussy! I can tell that youve been seeing one of your jocund Americanfriends again, said Lockert.
Why say,Ill bet that stuff antagonizes more customers than it evercatches.
Felt guilty as hell ifthey were one stroke over yesterday! Sir Francis and Lady Ouston were very cordial at parting.
Nobodywho really belongs ever goes to them.
Half our efficiency is just running aroundand making a lot of show and wasting time.
On the couch, crushing hergolden evening wrap, Fran lay sobbing. For an hour Sam tramped the apartment, too lonely to think.
Felt guilty as hell ifthey were one stroke over yesterday! And of course I made noises like a purr-pussy!
For an hour Sam tramped the apartment, too lonely to think. He was touched by thehomemaking which she was always doing in hotel suites.
My favorite line: “Oh, I AM being frank, probablydisastrously frank! Ifyou ever are so beastly as to go and use this against me later,Ill KILL you, I swear I will!”
What about you?
Sadly, this line sums up my entire work experience:
“Half our efficiency is just running aroundand making a lot of show and wasting time.”
I mean, it doesn’t make complete sense, but I know what they are trying to say.
Yeah… there’s something about this whole email that makes sense in a very strange way. Kind of like if you read a short story that Wesley Willis tried to write.
“Whats the idea of coming to a famouscity and then not seeing the places that made it famous?”
Definitely an insightful read. And of course I made noises like a purr-pussy!
I’m also a fan of “I admire the English, but theymake me feel kind of roughneck.” I almost get what they mean… but not entirely!
Perfect piece of writing and useful resource. Thx, its very much valued.